Examples of experience with CI service
After a CI case is completed, CISI asks all petitioners to tell us about their experience using a Confidential Intermediary. We also ask them to consider submitting a personal story to be posted on this website. Some topics we suggest they might want to include are:
A number of birth parents, adoptees and other relatives have given us permission to share their stories on the CISI website in the hope that their experiences may be of help to others. All stories we receive for this purpose are being posted and are not edited other than to remove names and other identifying information. November 8, 2011 I searched the Internet and came up empty each time. When I found this program I immediately felt as if I was making more headway within the first few weeks. I personally have the "perfect world" story where it took 6 months to locate my birth son, we communicated through e-mail then met a month later. We keep in contact weekly and plan to stay active in each others life. This process was almost as emotional as the decision to put him up for adoption in the first place- and I would not change anything. My son had not registered with the Illinois Adoption Registry so I hit a dead end. I asked the Registry how else I could try to find my son. They referred me to the CI program. I decided to search when my son was 22 years old and I was 41. I searched because there had been some deaths in my family and I realized that if something happened to me, no one could adequately inform my son of the things I wanted him to know, especially his birth parents medical history and that of our separate, raised children. I wanted to be the one to give him my side of the story and not have it be left up to my sister or father. My mom had passed but only I could convey to him the real account of my side of the story. At first the CI caseworker could not get an answer to the first letter she sent to my son. It was his parents home. She then tried a search tool that usually doesn't get results and she found him! I was elated! My birth son and I exchanged five letters each. He was extremely busy at the time with intense schoolwork, moving and getting married so he decided that he could not give me (with further communication) what he felt that I deserved. I feel that he will contact me in the future. The CI process was emotionally exhausting but worth it.
I started searching for my birth family in 1992. After a year of trying with the adoption service that handled my case in 1951 we came to a dead end. I didn't do anything in the search area for quite a few years following that effort. But in the spring of 2010 I decided to give it one more try after hearing about the CI program. The CI program was much more professional and streamlined (user friendly) than the service I worked with in '92. But the key to the process working, and my reunion with many from my birth family, was my caseworker Linda Fiore. It was her diligence and exceptional skills that made the process work. I truly believe that I would have never been reunited with my birth family had it not been for Linda's tenacity, professionalism and resourcefulness. Because of Linda's never give up service I have a much richer, fuller understanding of who I am and where I come from. Thank you Linda from the bottom of my heart.
I had no idea about how to search until I learned about CISI. The results of my search were very satisfying. Beyond my hopes. Linda's efforts and show of concern was beyond words. The way in which she kept me informed as the process proceeded was above and beyond what I expected. I didn't have the ability to pay for the service, yet was treated like a million dollar client. Thanks so much. My new found sister and I are grateful for your services. It took some time for my brothers and I to finally agree to try to search for her. I searched the Illinois Vital Records division and learned that adoption records are sealed but they offered a site for people searching for adoptees or birth parents/siblings on the Illinois Adoption Registry and Medical Information Exchange. In order to proceed any further, one must have registered on this site. It was necessary to obtain birth certificates and death certificates for my mother. Once registered, an agent tried to match the information with already registered members. No match could be made, so the next step was to contact Midwest Adoption Center in order to petition the court to open records. Unfortunately we did not have enough information such as names or dates to find the adoption record if one exists. The courts do not allow a case to remain open so the petition had to be closed at this time. Since my brothers and I were 30 somethings when we found out about this we had little emotional attachment. Until the search was initiated, I always had a guilty feeling for not pursuing the search and wondered if our half sister was having some of the hereditary health problems that we have. I was disappointed that we could not provide enough information to make the search successful but I do feel closure and no longer have the guilt feelings knowing that we have exhausted all avenues to find our half sister.
As a little boy at bedtime, I would always try to stay up a little longer by asking my mother to tell me the story of when she and my father picked me out and brought me home with them. Now, that story sounds more like getting a puppy from the pet store. I loved hearing the story. My mother would normally tear up and tell me how much they wanted me, to love and have with them. She would imply how special I was since I was "chosen", not just "given" to them as would be a normal, natural child. The Process of Searching: Then I found several, long standing, adoption agencies that were active during the time of my birth. One of them suggested I contact Midwest Adoption Center for advice on what resources in Illinois I might find most helpful. Upon doing that, their advice was to first request my Adoption Decree from the Cook County Court since they seemed to have some jurisdiction. Then, they recommended that I also enter my name in the Illinois Adopted Persons Register with my own medical information. If someone was searching for me, there could be a connection in this register. This idea never bore any results, as no one was looking for me. On my 66th birthday, I received a copy of my Adoption Decree from Cook County. The document told me that I was adopted through a legally established adoption agency, Catholic Home Bureau, an organization that was later merged into Catholic Charities. All names on the adoption papers were covered over for legal purposes but several places it was not totally effective. In one place, I could see my given name was "John". I thought the last name was "White" but that later proved incorrect. The other significant information that I got from the adoption papers was that my birth mother surrendered all her parental rights 7 days after my birth. She did not die in child birth. The Midwest Adoption Agency then suggested to me that I apply for a court appointed "Confidential Intermediary", a person with the Court's authority to look at any records but obligated to follow the state laws by only revealing non-identifying information until release forms are signed by the mother or other appropriate person. Since I was still unable to find anything about my birth parents, I asked the courts in October of 2009, to assign such an intermediary and in November of 2009, an investigator at Midwest Adoption Agency was assigned. Still trying to find a clue on my own, I continued to be unsuccessful without a name. By mid February 2010, my CI had looked at some records to evaluate what she considered the chances of successfully finding anyone in my birth family. I had the option of looking for my birth mother, my birth father, my birth aunt (who was listed as an emergency contact on the hospital application), or a birth sibling, a possible child born before me. She told me that the probability of locating one of these relatives was not great. The CI didn't want me to expect more than was likely. I chose my birth mother because she was the youngest of the adult choices. On a morning in April of 2010, I received a call from my CI that someone had been identified who could possibly be my birth mother, but that it was only a "potential" at this time. There were "inconsistencies". The news was this person, this potential birth mother, was still alive at 92 years of age. Sharing this information with my wife a few minutes later actually choked me up, brought tears to my eyes, and I was almost deafened by the roar coming from my head and from my heart. One of the inconsistencies was this person had not talked about having a baby for over 60 years, had told no one, and it was not on her medical records. During the initial contact with the CI, this person did admit to having a child born at about the right time and in the right place but thought she had given up a girl for adoption. In May of 2010, it was confirmed that this woman was actually my very much alive birth mother. She was 92 years old and in a nursing home. My wife and I would be driving to meet my birth mother. The drive would take 3 days. We got ready to travel, got the car maintained, changed or canceled appointments, packed, invited my daughter to fly up with her son (my mother's great grandson), researched the newly found names in many Internet genealogy data bases, and sent my mother a life history of her newly found son. We have no idea how we got all that done in only 48 hours. We left Saturday morning and arrived Monday afternoon. On Sunday, while driving, I got to talk to my mother for a few minutes -our first conversation. THE REUNION: As we drove to the nursing home that Tuesday morning, and parked, I tried to put those thoughts out of my mind and just concentrate on getting my wife into her wheelchair and making the day as comfortable as I could for her. Meanwhile, my mother was watching our arrival from the window in the lobby, staring at me, willing me to come to her, impatiently waiting for my arrival, and deciding whether she would like me or not. I never learned her initial thoughts; but for me, MY MOTHER WAS PERFECT. Remember in the first years of school, the teacher would ask you to draw a tree? Each student had a different picture, but yours was always the only "right" tree. That is the way I felt about my mother, she looked like the perfect image of a mother. She was beautiful sitting in her wheelchair. Her gray hair was just done that morning as she had greeted the beauty parlor when they opened up saying, "Make me look good, my son is coming to see me today". She had on lovely clothes, mostly in red as that was her favorite color. It is mine too. She has wearing lots of jewelry. The nursing home staff call her Grandma Bling. Nothing is expensive but it all makes her look very special. She has loved jewelry all her life. It was an emotional moment as I knelt down beside her wheelchair and held out my arms; we hugged as we said something that was probably "hi", but I really don't remember. We just looked at each other for many minutes, I probably better than she, with her poor eyesight from macular degeneration. We both looked through solid blue eyes -like mother, like son. We decided that it would be all right to call her "mom" or "mother", not the impersonal, given name. Eventually, I looked around the small lobby and saw others there too -her decades long care giver and best friend and her faithful neighbors from before she came to the nursing home 3 years ago. The nursing home had opened their family room for us, but first, my mother wanted to show me her room. When I learned that her caregiver had email capability, I had sent three files ahead of our reunion so my mother could get to know me in smaller doses. What would you tell your mother for the first time she ever heard your name, after 67 years, and knew absolutely nothing about you? How do you summarize your life in a few pages? My mother brought pictures and papers to share with us, and her caregiver helped her to find the words to remember all the things that I asked her. There were so many pieces of her life to share with us, it got to be a blur of little facts that didn't seem, at first, to fit together. My wife had prepared some nice gifts for my mother too including a photo album with pictures taken when I was growing up. My mother missed those years so my wife tried, in a small way, to give them back to her. We got lots more information about my mother's past and also much about my father. We tried recording some of my mother's stories; they were priceless. We compared fingers and hands, eyes and noses, chins and smile lines, to see how closely we matched. There was no question that this woman was my mother. We found that many of our likes and dislikes were the same. We both loved red. We both believed that a scheduled time to arrive someplace was a commitment, we are very punctual people. We both liked to eat our dessert first, and if cake, we started with the icing. We both love neatness, organization, and looking nice. Earlier in the month, my mother's last sibling passed away. She had outlived 6 sisters, a brother and 7 other half siblings. All of my mother's husbands had died, and she had no children, except me. The collection of photo albums, legal documents, genealogy books, and memorabilia that was collecting dust in my mother's closet was about to be discarded literally thrown away -until I just happened to came along. I was my mother's last living direct relative; so she gave all the photos, the documents, the genealogy book, and the keepsakes to me. I had arrived just in time, as this was a treasure for me, and I had come so close to losing it. It was my history or the history of my birth parents. The collection of boxes and papers was significant, but we managed to get it all in the car to take back home. On the last day of our visit, my wife and I wanted to gather all those who made this reunion possible, and who had become so special to us. We were going to throw a party at my mother's old tavern, a place she managed for 24 years of her life. When we told my mother of this event, she looked into my face and said, "I want to go too". For 15 minutes I told her all the reasons why that couldn't possibly happen: she can't transport in my car, she doesn't stay up past 6pm, she is too weak, she had conflicts with medicines and bar food, and she can't hear or see well, etc. My wife just left the room with a dream and came back with a wheelchair taxi, permission from the nurses to eat and drink anything she wanted, and a plan that could work. In a former job, my wife was a case manager who helped patient's dreams come true. There were 10 of us expected. We rode through the countryside, taking her back to the town where she had lived for over half a century. We got to go past the one and only house she ever owned. Then we went to her old tavern. There were over 20 people waiting to honor her for a wonderful life and for sharing the wonderful story of our reunion. Once safely back in her room, we had to say good-bye, too, as our five day visit was about over. My mother made me promise to come back to see her. That was an easy promise to make to her. She then said something I will never forget, "I lost you once; I won't lose you again". We left blowing kisses and waving all the way out the door. A few days later, my mother recalled the EXACT time she last saw us. Before we got home, I sent her an email through the nursing home staff. They printed my note and my mother dictated her response. She was amazed when someone told her that I would have her reply in a few minutes. She smiled unbelieving and gave the staff person a postage stamp. She has dictated many emails since then and maybe the staff is still getting a collection of postage stamps.
More than 15 years ago, I began an effort to trace my father's family roots. In this effort, I used the common approaches in researching family history: gathering family records and photographs, sifting through my Dad's papers, talking with his surviving "relatives," surfing genealogy websites on the Internet, etc. I was collecting a lot of interesting information about the clan, but then I received a totally unanticipated shock a few ago. From one of the "relatives," I learned that my Dad, along with his twin sister, was adopted into the household sometime during the late 1890's. Strangely enough, Dad had never told me, or my siblings, that he was adopted or had a sister. Then I became focused on finding my father's birth family. Through my Internet search, I came across information and websites for the Confidential Intermediary Service of Illinois (CISI). First I was in touch (by phone and e-mail) with Ms. LaKisha Watts, who was quite helpful with my initial inquiries. Later, I formally petitioned the Circuit Court of Cook County to have the CISI serve as the confidential intermediary to conduct an official search of adoption and other vital records, if any. Ms. Linda Fiore was appointed and assigned to me in that capacity. She, along with the CISI staff genealogist, worked hard in conducting the search, and I am deeply appreciative of Linda's diligent efforts. Unfortunately, no official records could be located during the preliminary search, so that CISI could not undertake a full search. However, Linda has informed me that, should any new leads prove to be promising, it might be possible to reactivate the search. My experience with CISI has been very positive and worthwhile, and I sincerely hope that the efforts made to date do not turn out to be a permanent dead end. I would strongly recommend CISI to anyone needing family-related services. I was adopted through Catholic Charities in 1979-1980. It was, of course, a closed adoption. When I was in college the desire to know my medical history, who I looked like, where I came from and if I had siblings was overwhelming. I spent hundreds of dollars and over eight years searching. I hired Catholic Charities, whom had even lost my birth mom file. Needless to say my search was inconclusive. It was after I saw an episode of Find my Family on TV in November 2009 that I found renewed vigor to restart my search. I decided to contact a private investigator and apply for the TV show I had just watched. The P.I. needed info I didn't have to be able to help me (names, birthdays, etc.) and the TV show never called/wrote back. The P.I. did point me in the direction of CISI, however. I called them the next day and had all my paperwork filled out and turned in the following week. Living in Montana now, I expected the process to be more difficult and expensive, but Linda made it seamless. By spring I had a list of family members and Linda's likelihood of finding them. I decided to search for my birth mother first, as it just seemed like the right thing to do. A few weeks later I got the great news that she wanted a relationship with me, so Linda helped us exchange contact info. Four days after I got her first e-mail, my adopted mom and I were able to meet my birth mother, her husband of 25 years, my half brother, his wife, my nephew, my half sister, and her long time boyfriend. There were so many happy tears and stories and old photographs shared. Although we live several states away, we've maintained a wonderful relationship. I've since watched a new niece be born, have a visit scheduled to see my sister (I have a sister! How exciting!) in four days and a trip to see my mom and step dad in less than a month. As if that wasn't enough excitement for one year, I decided to next search for my birth father. Although I knew his address after my birth mom gave me his name and I googled him, I still chose to hire Linda to go through the process. I felt her and the CISI program were able to lend support and understanding to him after 30 years of my being alive and I wasn't sure he even knew about me. Of course Linda found him and much to my surprise and joy he wanted a relationship with me as well. Linda, again, helped us exchange contact info and we communicated for the first time this summer. I was able to go visit this Fall and got to meet my birth dad, step mom, half brother, his fiance, two nephews, my grandma, three aunts, and tons of cousins. They threw me a huge birthday party while my adopted mom and I were visiting. It went seamless. When I go back to Illinois in four days, I will meet my youngest half brother and then I'll have met all of my immediate family. Wow. I went from being an only child (lucky to have been raised with the most AMAZING adoptive family from infancy) to one of five! I love it! I communicate with both sides of my birth family regularly. I was welcomed with open arms and loved unconditionally. Now I have three amazing families that I get to be a part of. My birth mom made the right decision 31 years ago to put me up for adoption, but now I get to be part of her life. I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world. I get to love and be loved by so many. The experience couldn't have gone better. Thank you, Linda, for helping me expand my family.
I had a great experience with the CI program. My CI was kind and professional. Unfortunately, she was not able to locate my daughter's birth mother. However, I have the satisfaction of knowing that I tried, and who knows, maybe she will find us through the adoption registry some day. Dear Searcher, My adoptive parents were awesome and loved me very much. I always thought if I did this search I would break their hearts, but there was always an empty hole in my life that I needed answered. When I was an adult and my father was already passed away, I confronted my adoptive mother and told her I needed some of my questions answered. She agreed to help me with the search. She even paid for another organization to do the search and that program was not successful. At that time I gave up on the search. My adoptive mother passed away in 2005 and the emptiness began to start up again. I remember being told about the CI program when I searched the first time and decided to try again. I called the CI office and asked how I would start the process and they were very helpful in explaining step by step procedures. I first registered with the Illinois Adoption Registry, which there were no matches. Then I started the process by filling and sending papers to the court for a judge to assign me a mediator. By this time it seemed like it was taking forever. It was very hard to be patient. I had to remind myself that I waited 47 years already, what was 1 more year. After my petition finally got to the judge he assigned me a terrific mediator, Linda Fiore. This all took about 5 months. Linda then started collecting all the data. She was very patient with me, as I called about every three weeks to see what information she collected. About two more months went by and Linda had enough information to start sending out letters to individuals that she thought might be family members. It was about 4 more months when I finally got the phone call that I have been waiting for. Linda had found my birth mother. During the search your mind is running 100 mph and you think you are going crazy. You are always thinking, what if? You are always wondering what are you going to say to the person you are searching for or what if that person doesn't want to know you. You are always hoping for the happy ending, however also preparing yourself for the worse. Well, my story was the one that didn't end as happy as I would have liked it. My birth mother did not want a relationship; however she was willing to answer any questions that I might have. My birth mother was ill, so my birth aunt, which was the only one that knew she had me, was going to answer those questions. Linda gave me some time to come up with questions I had about my adoption and when I had them prepared I called her and gave them to her. She then called my aunt and found answers to all of my questions. It was then the empty hole in my life began to be filled and there was closure to my search. I recommend the Confidential Intermediary Service of Illinois to anyone in search of a loved one. Sincerely, Adoptee
I assisted my father in searching for his OBC. I found out about your program via internet. I spoke with Linda Fiore, and she walked me through the entire process step by step. She kept me apprized of any information, (within the law) that she discovered. I am confident we would have been able to access my dad's OBC, with her help, but with the change in the IL law, I stopped the search at the beginning of June. Thank you Linda! 5/4/2010 First a warm personal thanks to my Confidential Intermediary Linda, for her persistence, kindness, and insights in this successful search that ended 71 years of separation from my biological family. Linda's patience was surely tested in dealing with this 71 year old hyperactive client. November 20, 2009 I don’t really have much of a story to tell. I went through the program in hopes that I could find my true family. I had learned a while ago that my mother was from Wisconsin and the youngest of 9 children. With this information, I felt that it was a good possibility that I could be successful. However, I found that it seems that some people don’t want to be bothered hearing from the past. I have always stated that I believe that forgiveness was necessary here. Jesus Christ didn’t say forgive; he said to resolve conflicts, and that was what I was attempting to do. I realize how difficult it is to ask for forgiveness and it is too easy to forgive and forget. However, many curses come about because of the lack of resolving situations and conflicts. This was my main goal. I was surprised that none of the relatives that Deanna contacted would even respond to her requests or letters. They were probably thinking that it was such a long time ago; is it really? I can remember going to adoption meetings in Chicago and seeing someone reunited with a parent that they hadn’t seen for forty years or who put the person up for adoption fifty years earlier. My hopes were high. When Deanna found a first cousin and two second cousins that were related to me, I was hoping that I could come in contact with them. Since they don’t want to respond to me, there is little I can do. However, the offer is still open. If they want to contact me, I am very willing to respond. All it takes is an email or a phone call. As for me, I will keep on searching with the information I have. I know that my dad is dead and my mother probably is too. I will continue searching. Just to tell the rest of the family that Jesus loves them. November 6, 2009 I have been looking for years for my parents. I saw the website for your agency and thought “why not?” I had a wonderful CI, Linda, for the extensive search it took. How wonderfully compassionate she was to all involved! She found my mom first, my mom was in shock cause she kept it a secret, she wanted no contact but them she said one letter a piece. So at least I got that! Then I asked Linda to search for my dad and she found him and he wanted contact! I was so thrilled! It turns out they both live in the same town and have remained friends!! I talk with my dad on the phone and someday hope to meet both! Thank you again Linda, you are truly an earth angel.
It was a very positive experience. In the end, the results I may have unknowingly wished for didn’t happen. But, there was still a sense of knowing and closure. The Intermediary, Becca, could not have offered more or been more compassionate. She is truly a beautiful person!
It is interesting that I would receive this questionnaire when I did. Yesterday I picked up my sister, “S”, at the airport for a 10 day visit. The timing is very appropriate. Initially I was told that Illinois records were closed. End of story. I then hunted for Chicago Orphan Asylum where I was left and then placed in foster care. This, of course, does not still exist, but the internet is a great place and I did find an organization which I emailed. What followed was frustrating at best. The person with whom I spoke seemed very much to want to help but was muzzled by Illinois law. She tried valiantly to hint, suggesting that another agency might have been involved in my adoption. I had no way of knowing to what she was referring. I then contacted as many people who are still living associated with my adoptive father as I could find. Nobody knew anything. After that my companion began posting on various adoption sites until he stumbled onto Midwest Adoption Center. Midwest Adoption Center walked me through the process. I had already done the paperwork with the State of Illinois that referred to medical information, etc., so I had a head start. I was assigned a CI, one Becca who is the calmest of people and just the one you want on the other end of this almost fools’ errand. Together we walked through the lengthy process. She never raised false hopes but kept in touch on a monthly basis. The wheels of the judiciary brand of government are hugely slow and there were several months of those monthly calls. In retrospect, I had always wondered who my “people” were. I was completely unlike my adoptive family, both physically and emotionally, and perhaps even mentally, as I tend to have an active and creative mind, which wasn’t the norm where I lived. I thought I was stuck. Lucky for me my companion never took no for an answer and continued to search, thought I had given up years ago because of the laws in the State of Illinois. Closed records meant just that for me. My ex-sister-in-law, who is a legal aid, had opined that the laws had changed somewhat in Illinois a few years ago, but neither she nor I had figured out how. My partner stumbled onto Midwest Adoption Center. It was difficult at first to determine if they were just another scam offering false hopes or whether the program they offered was legitimate. Still, the price of admission was reasonable. I did not apply until I had the money in hand. I had written for the paperwork and received it, even filled it in, but had not mailed it. This is a shame, since my birth mother has been steadily deteriorating mentally over the past few months. Since I had no way of knowing this before the fact, I did not realize how much time was of the essence. The call came in August of this year, if I remember correctly. It seems like months ago. I was told that I was the oldest of three sisters and that my mother was indeed alive though failing. My sister “S” and I have a great deal in common. My younger sister “C” and I have less in common but she lives near my daughter. “C’s” children and my grandchildren are close to the same ages so they have been spending time together. Mom, during my first couple of visits, may or may not have realized who I was, but she definitely “got it” over time. Because “S” is an investigator and because Mom had mentioned a man named “BB” over the years as being someone with whom she maintained contact, we pieced together her mutterings with past information and eventually—in about a week or so—turned up my two brothers on my father’s side. I am in contact with them as well. My older brother, “D”, ten years my junior, will be spending Thanksgiving with me. I talk to him on a weekly basis. During the process, I tried not to have expectations. Emotionally I was neutral. When “the call” came I cried. Since then, I have concentrated on understanding that I belong somewhere. Both “S” and my brother “D” are much like me which is something I have not had my entire life. Sometimes I cry because I can’t visit my mother every few days. She lives several states away. Strangely she was born about two hours from where I now live. My sister “S” and I have agreed that we have no idea how to be sisters so well just fake it. It is going great. I am so pleased that she decided to come for a long visit. (Nearly a week has passed since I started writing this.) It has been a full and comfortable week. I am hugely grateful to have found my family.
My efforts before using the CIS was not successful. We had gone to libraries and a few other places and we had no success at all. I had called family to see if anybody could help but no one would come forward with any information at all. People would tell me that was the past so forget about it. I couldn’t do that and that’s when we started looking around for help. The program was the best thing that ever happened for me, because without the program’s help, I couldn’t have found my biological brother on my own. (I had actually decided to search the very day I had been told that my mother died giving birth to a baby boy and {our family} gave him away. There was no hesitation.) The outcome of my search has been the greatest thing every! I now have my brother back and a sister-in-law and a niece. It’s a dream come true. During the process I really had to keep myself pretty busy so I wouldn’t get depressed, but with the help of the CIS (Linda) and my family, I made it through and have come out of it extremely happy. It is our beginning!! Thank you CIS. My search started 14 years ago. After researching my adoption in the archives of the Chicago Law Review (by law all adoptions have to be published, yet they are (or were) published in a paper that only lawyers read) I discovered my birth name. Later on, I came across the adoption agency that handled the adoption. They sent me all the non-identifying information about my birth parents. In 2005, I registered in Springfield on the Adoption Registry. At that point, I realized when I received my amended birth certificate that I had 3 siblings born previously to me. During the 14 year search, I would get frustrated only to pick it back up months (or sometimes years) later. My adoptive parents (whom I loved very much) had passed away when I was a much younger person, so I was hungry to meet my biological family. In 2008, I came across the “Confidential Intermediary Service” of Illinois. I spoke with Linda, and decided to give it a try. It took exactly 1 year, from May 2008 to May 2009 and I had to pay a nominal fee to conduct 2 searches (the first one was a dead end). This service is truly a godsend for adoptees searching for biological families. I’ve since met my 3 brothers (who didn’t know I exist) and we’re a cast of colorful characters that hang out together just about every weekend. We love each other. I’ve met aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews, cousins. It’s been the best experience of my life. July 27, 2009 July 27, 2009 I am so very grateful to the Midwest Adoption Center for helping me discover my biological family. I had started this process many years ago, but because of the many spellings of my family name, was unable to complete the process. My daughter decided about one year ago to start the process again, only this time she insisted on trying the Confidential Intermediary Service of Illinois. We worked with Linda, who was very compassionate and extremely professional. My feelings during the process were ambiguous at best. I had heard of adoptees discovering their birth families only to be rejected. I, not knowing what to expect, figured that I could “take it or leave it”. I was very fortunate to be adopted into a wonderful family and had that to fall back on, so it didn’t make a difference. However, I was very pleasantly surprised when my daughter and I first made contact with an uncle on January 30, 2009 (my biological mother had died in 1993). We have since kept in contact and even though I have never met him, I love him dearly; he is a sweet, kind, man. He even told me that if he had known about me that he would have taken me in rather than let me be adopted. I’ve been in contact with one half-sister and on half-brother, all of whom have accepted me. Additionally, I correspond with various cousins who have also accepted me as well. I am so blessed to have two families. I thank Linda for her hard work and dedication and I am very grateful for what has since transpired: I only wish others such as me could have the same results. March 10, 2009 TRANSCRIPTION OF A HANDWRITTEN STORY I didn’t begin searching before the CI process. When I was 65 I received a phone message from (another state) – thought it might be my birth mother or relative – but it wasn’t. I began then. Contacted a cousin in (a city in Illinois) who is an attorney and he started the process. In the spring of 2008 my birth mother’s sister was found in (another state). She has adult children and they have children and grandchildren. In June I went to (the other state) and met them -- only over night but they were very very warm and accepting. They told me as much as they knew. Also family stories and experiences. Since I didn’t grow up with it as they did it was a lot to absorb all at one time. I plan on journaling what I learned and my feelings also put the photos of family and birth mother with it. My mother died 15 years ago. She had a hard life but was a good person. Even though I never met her she looked familiar to me in the photo. I don’t really look like her. Sometimes it is strange to have 2 families, 2 mothers. It is an adjustment, but I am happy I did it. I don’t blame my birth mother for giving me up. She gave me a chance at a better life by doing so. I feel love and gratitude towards her. I only wish I could have been there to help her at the end when she was ill and in pain. My birth family and I are different but I’m different from my adoptive family also. We are trying to keep in touch and talk from time to time on the phone. I am grateful for their acceptance. I am glad I did this. It helps me to understand myself more. I can see that some of my past behavior and choices are in the genes. The man listed as my father on the birth certificate has denied paternity. I am disappointed not being able to learn about my birth father and his family but grateful for what I did learn. During the process I felt impatient and scared at time. But was pleased with the results. There seemed to be a lot of excess paperwork too! November 12, 2008 October 5, 2008 TRANSCRIPTION OF A HANDWRITTEN STORY I wanted to write something for your website because I am so incredibly happy with the results of the search process my case worker helped me with. I am going to be 33 in January of this year and all my life have known I was adopted. I have gone on quite a few wild goose chases in my time. A friend of mine informed me of the new law that Illinois passed in 2005.* It took me some time to prepare myself for all the possible outcomes of this search and when I felt ready I petitioned the court. My case worker was assigned to my case and she was wonderful. I have now reunited with my birth mother and I have a younger brother and a huge family that I am absolutely so excited about. I met the woman who gave birth to me this past week for the first time in my life and her son. It was the most amazing experience. I can not thank her enough for giving me the best Christmas gift I could have ever asked for. * Note: The Confidential Intermediary provision was first added to Illinois law in 1990. At that time, only adult adoptees and adoptive parents of minors could petition the Court for the appointment of a CI – and had to have a medical reason for doing so. Effective January 2004, the need for a medical cause for filing was removed and birth parents of adoptees over 21 and other categories of individuals impacted by adoption were eligible to file petitions. |
